Is Femdom Countercultural?

Many readers will know of Cara Sutra, possibly Briain’s best known sex blogger. Not everyone knows that being a lifestyle dominant is a big part of her life. She frequently writes with knowledge and insight about BDSM and related issues. I recently found this blog post from 2018 (how long ago that seems now!) and it prompted these reflections based on my own experiences.

https://carasutra.com/2018/05/what-is-femdom-bdsm-scene-outsider/

This post made me think. For me, femdom and BDSM were once pretty much synonymous, and femdom is still the first thing I think about when I hear BDSM mentioned. I imagine they are so still for many people who don’t identify as kinky. Every so often there will be a story in the tabloid press of some well known, or reasonably well known man availing himself of the services of a professional dominatrix or, as the newspaper will probably call her a “Miss Whiplash” or, occasionally there will be a shock horror story outing someone as a dominatrix. But, in the popular imagination dominants are women, submissives are men. There is a further unspoken assumption here, which is that submissive men are weak and pathetic. “Pitiful” is how they were once described in a Guardian article on BDSM. Male submissives com in all shapes and sizes but I have yet to meet one I would describe as pitiful. The surrender of power, the trust required to consent to…