I am a pyjama domme. Well not quite actually. That would be a bit cynical, like the phone sex workers who take calls in bed with a cuppa and a plate of biscuits as they let their hapless clients believe they are in slinky lingerie and PVC gloves (or whatever) as they tell them the lovely things they are going to do to them. Or maybe that’s not cynical. Maybe it’s the way many phone sex workers (the majority of them women I imagine) do these things. Or maybe not from the bed. The thing is that phone sex work is very flexible. You can do it while the kids are at school, you can tell some guy about the blowjob you are about to give him, as you do the ironing, as you wait in the car by the school gates. Or whatever. It is the flexibility that is the attraction. I don’t need the flexibility as such but see telephone domination as a way to boost my income while giving callers the benefit of my experience and an insight into my devious, deviant mind.
I can’t do it in pyjamas, or even sweatshirt and leggings. I need to dress up, do my makeup and so on, not in fet clothing necessarily but something that helps me get into role, to feel domly for the quaking subs phone to be put I their place. R, actually not. I have had several callers who just want to talk about their fetishes and submissive fantasies. The emotions and feelings that lead to an interest in BDSM, that make men yearn to take what is still a profoundly countercultural step in submitting to women are not understood, and submissive men are still stigmatised. To have feelings and not be able to express them is a lonely place. I can’t really offer solutions. Being on the scene and attending events is not for everyone, and, even for those who find a home there, the first steps are not easy. Only yesterday I was talking to a man who is only just getting to feel at home at events after a year of attending them. Others have told me about setting off for their first event and turning round and going home, or parking up, heading for the club and accidentally on purpose not being able to find it. There is also the option of looking for a professional dominatrix and this works well for some, the encounter is in private, it is with an experienced practitioner who understands the people who come to see her, can devise sessions that enable them to dip a toe in the water and then proceed at a pace they are comfortable with. But professional domination is not cheap (inevitably so given the costs and overheads that providers have) and will not be affordable to many.
Of course, many callers are happy to leave it at the level of fantasy and are content with occasional phone calls with someone who understands, and if I can help someone accept who they are, see that their feelings do not make them perverts, or weirdos or, worse pathetic, that is a good thing for me to be doing. Taking it further, whichever avenue someone goes down, requires courage, not just to cope with stigma, but to take that step into the unknown. And if I can help someone find that courage and give them a nudge in the direction of the pleasures and delights that await in real life encounters, that is even better. Even if I do it in my pyjamas!
